Which one is your favorite?

This is not a frequently asked question.  Only one person has asked me this question, and I think it's important for me to rat her out.  It's Jen.  I do not think for a moment that she was serious in asking it, especially given that she was laughing when she said it, and I laughed when I heard it.  But now I'm going to answer it anyway, as if she were serious:  Neither.  Neither is my favorite, Jen.  They are both equally wonderful, Jen.  I love them both equally.

I am posting this because I want to participate in the long tradition of holding the clergy to a double standard of goodness, sweetness and light, and then directing reproach at them when they occasionally fail to meet the benchmarks for personal virtue that laypeople meanwhile rarely even attempt, much less meet.  And I'm doing this in full knowledge that the priest in question spent, by my count, and I'm not kidding here, over 21 hours with us in labor, taking fewer breaks than I did.  And then knitted hats for Anna and Evelyn.

So, here's me, doing my part for the long tradition:  Shame, Jen.  Shame.

If I want to visit, how should I get there?

North on 280 to 19th Avenue, then to Park Presidio.  Right on Geary (after Golden Gate Park, before the Presidio).  Left on Commonwealth (after Arguello, before Masonic).  Left on California, then an immediate right on Cherry.  Turn left into the garage, and pray there is a space, or an attendant allowing double-parking inside the garage.  Most direct; best for non-commute hours.

OR:

North on 280 to Junipero Serra.  Veer right onto Portola.  Left on Claremont.  Veer right onto Dewey at the roundabout.  Left on Laguna Honda.  Right on Lincoln, then left on Kezar.  Veer right at the onramp just past Stanyan to enter the turn lane onto Stanyan northbound.  Right on Geary, then an immediate left onto Commonwealth, then as above.  Slightly more scenic; possibly better for commute hours, if you're a pessimist about 19th.

OR:

North on 280 to Brotherhood Way westbound.  Right on Lake Merced.  Right on Sunset.  Right on Lincoln.  Veer left onto Kezar, then as above.  Less stop-and-go than 19th; possibly better for commute hours.  Certainly better for the soul.

OR:

North on 101; follow the signs to Golden Gate Bridge/Van Ness. Left on Geary.  Right on Commonwealth (after Masonic; before Arguello), then as at top.  Most utilitarian; best for non-commute hours.

OR:

North on 280 to John Daly Blvd.  Right on Skyline.  Left onto Great Highway.  Follow Great Highway past Golden Gate Park until it turns into Geary, as it turns just past the Cliff House.  Left on Commonwealth, then as at top.  Most scenic; best for time only if you have no faith in the other routes above.  Good for the return route if you have the time for a scenic drive.  Reminds you why people live in San Francisco.

Return route tips:

Geary does not have a left turn onto 19th southbound, but California does.  When leaving via 19th Ave., take California westbound to 19th and turn left as though you have not a care in the world.  Leave Geary for the suckers.  However, California on the inbound route is a frustrated mess, so take Geary to Commonwealth for this purpose, as recommended.

If going home by 101, take Geary to Gough and then (and this is very important) ignore your GPS telling you to go to Market.  Instead, turn right onto Fell, and then left onto Octavia.  You'll want to be in the center of the roadway, between the two center medians.  (Media?)  This is only way to ensure you'll get on the fancy-schmancy Octavia onramp that replaced the old Central Freeway on- and off-ramps that your GPS probably still thinks are the bee's knees.

Evelyn, milk-drunk.

How's the commute?

Let me put it this way: A colleague who used to do a lot of med mal defense work asked me where the girls were in care. I said "CPMC, on California." He grimaced and said "You can't get there from here."

Yeah.

Nurses who live on the Peninsula have offered various alternate routes, but they've said they don't make the trip any shorter, just less unpleasant. We have found that to be true in both respects.

What's new this afternoon?

It's all about the As, Bs, and Ds.

A is for "apnea." Apnea is when the respiration rate drops out of normal limits. The monitor alarms are set to go off when the RR drops below 10 per minute. I haven't seen that happen to anyone in the NICU yet, but it's happened to both girls at night when we've been home.  The solution, as I've said, is frequently to administer a poke to the ribs to start the breathing again.

B is for bradycardia, or "Brady" in the med biz. It's a temporary anomaly in heart rate. It happens quite a lot, even to full term babies -- you just can't see it because there's no monitor at home. It tends to coincide with some sort of distraction for the baby, like a hiccup or a gas bubble, or even just a particularly difficult poop. So if you've ever taken a full term newborn home, you might have seen a couple of these a day and never have known it. Anna had one today while nursing. The monitor read "Severe Brady." She got over it.  Apparently the suck-swallow-breathe combo was a bit too much to ask at that particular moment.

D is for "desaturation," or just "desat." The monitors begin to alarm when Anna or Evelyn drop below 88%. I've already talked about what this is and why it's the end-all be-all of life in the NICU, at least for our run-of-the-mill 32 weekers. We've seen it happen now and again. It usually corrects itself without anyone doing anything, or you just calm the baby so it breathes more efficiently.

The NICU veterans hope for days with "no As, Bs or Ds." We're not there yet.

Anna, taking a break from nursing.

Did you finish your bed/bath remodel in time?

Yes!  The work was finished two weeks ago, in what we thought was plenty of time.  We're thankful we went with More-Expensive-Contractor-Who-Keeps-His-Promises rather than Less-Expensive-Contractor-Who-Seemed-Like-A-Nice-Guy-Maybe-Too-Nice.

It's beautiful.  Not as beautiful as our twin daughters, perhaps, but possibly more beautiful than other people's twin daughters.  We're thrilled with it all, because it took our Master Bath (which was our house's secret shame) and turned it into a showpiece.

If you're in the neighborhood, feel free to stop by to see it.  Wear short sleeves, and be prepared to remove any jewelry worn below the elbow, because you'll be required to scrub up.